In the spirit of talking about things other people don’t talk about openly, but at times desperately want to or should, I’d like to share a little something about an exercise my husband and I are doing to be better communicators and build a stronger marriage, specifically as it pertains to MONEY.

My hubs and I, a.k.a. Chad, have been married for a little more than one year and have been together for almost seven (wow). We communicate beautifully in most areas, but like many couples out there money is not our simplest issue to explore. We have different experiences with money (as everyone does). These experiences helped to develop our value systems and behavior patterns with money, which inevitably are also different. Sound familiar? Well, it’s usually the reality of most couples and people out there in some regard.

We’ve had our fair share of money arguments along the way, but managed to come to a decent understanding before we were married. We knew we had further work to do, but hadn’t found the magic potion on our own just yet. We interviewed other couples, our parents, chatted about it during premarital couples counseling and talked about possible money management methods and systems in private at home. Despite all of these efforts, the doing something piece, the taking ACTION piece wasn’t falling into place.

So… for Christmas we decided the best gift to give each other was a money class we’d both heard amazing things about over the years called ‘Couples and Money,’ taught by nationally known financial educator, expert and author Ruth Hayden.

We went to our first of five classes last Monday and I gotta say I’m really looking forward to the next four.  The following are my takeaways so far:

• One of the first things mentioned in class was: It is socially and politically incorrect to talk about money. In our culture. In our relationships. And consequently in our families. Well, no wonder money is hard to discuss!!! It’s kind of a no brainer and really a huge relief when you think about it this way. Our societal and cultural framework doesn’t have the ‘let’s talk about money like sane, rational and open adults’ built into it in a healthy way. In essence, it’s embedded as a natural dysfunction in our cultural and relational fabric.

• The purpose of this class is to make us a better management team; It’s about learning and being in partnership with money. It was explained that there are two parts to money: Counting and Managing. Counting is ability to know how much you make, how much you need, budgeting, etc. The management piece includes how you make it work, how you make decisions, how you and money coexist, etc. (after you’ve counted the money). Many couples think that if they count it and the numbers ad up that that’s most of the battle. There is much more.

• Class is about DIALOGUE and INTROSPECTION. I find personal reflection to be one of life’s most important, and often most difficult things. I’m a big advocate for Emotional Intelligence and its importance in the bigger picture. It is my experience that when I take inventory of my stuff, my interactions with the rest of the world are far simpler. This class is no different. This class will challenge both of us to take a hard look at our part in how we view and interact with money — and then we will come together to discuss it. When thought about in this way it makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it? I know that in past discussions about money I walk in thinking I’m right, which sets the discussion up to fail because I haven’t really dug deeper. I hope that makes sense.

• People don’t change unless they have to. Then they change just enough to get out of crisis. Love this because of the truth in it. Won’t get into it too much, but obviously the goal of this class is to change the necessary behaviors around money so we can be in better partnership with it and our mates.

I look forward to sharing more about what we learn and how it helps us navigate through developing better communication and a  strong financial partnership for a successful future! As always, I love to hear your experience or thoughts if applicable:-).